Pressure
It seems that the idea of counting the days makes me uncomfortably aware of how much time is slipping from my hands and how short the day is and so the week, the month and the year and one’s whole life!
Most of my life so far I have been aware of what I want and how I want to achieve it and when I do not know the answer I usually know where to find it. However, since I achieved what I planned to achieve as first step in my life (and I am so ever grateful for that), I find myself challenged by so many more questions:
What is next?
What makes me truly happy?
What is the meaning of life?
What is the right path to take?
How could I spend the rest of time remaining in my life in a way that is valuable and not wasteful?
I have read so many personal development books that I know enough of what I should do and how I should do it but I find myself in some days (and today is one of them) questioning about if the choices I make are the choices that would make me satisfied when I am in my deathbed and when I cross to the next life.
So many thoughts were crossing my mind that I had to stop and breathe!
I know that I want to be happy
I know that freedom and health are some of the top values
I know that family and friends make life worthy and I am grateful for them
I know that kindness is one of the basics in anyone’s behaviour
I know that honesty, truthfulness and integrity are no brainer!
I know that I need to live my now
I know that I should be satisfied by doing my part no matter how little it looks to me in making the world a better place
I know that I need to stop thinking and just live and be and this is last part I find hard to follow!
I woke up with all those thoughts in my mind and I carried them with me through the day. Then I had to stop myself and tell her like a little girl to be kind to me. To take one step at a time. I congratulated her for feeding me, for being kind to those I met today, and even for just changing the bedsheet and I treated her with lavender.
I put my head on the bed now and I know that I promised myself today to turn off my phone by 10pm and fall asleep with no guilt knowing that if I sleep this night well and wake up early in the morning, I would be ahead in the game and will be in a better position to make tomorrow count. I will.
I will though share that despite my dark thoughts today was a good day for me. In the first hours of the morning my doorbell went off unexpectedly and I found a man handing me a flowers’ box. Completely unable to predict who sent it I opened it before I climb the stairs. A very dear friend of mine has been very thoughtful and lovingly sent me the flowers! Tears of joy wet my face and I knew that if I do not ever learn what is my life’s purpose, I know that I want to be someone like her who would send flowers to a friend and make them smile and lighten their hearts with love!
Good night! And thank you!
shetellsastory 