Science, Medicine, Care and Love…
A few weeks back I decided to take a few minutes break from my busy working life to revive my exhausted soul by planing to learn something new to grow. I came across a symposium on steroids but the places were full and I added my name to a waiting list. I decided to keep the date free (or part of it as I could) even if there might have not been a chance. Later on as time was approaching a very helpful event coordinator contacted me. A few e-mails between us and I had a place secured. Back to my busy life until the last day on Friday; I missed part of the event and by the end of the day, I rushed with my over-packed back bag to the train station. Missing the first train by seconds I waved its rear a goodbye and I had to wait another hour in the train station. By the time I was on my way and as I was in the middle of the route, I questioned myself on my decision to attend the event in person..exhaustion was talking then
“What were you thinking! You could have attended virtually from the comfort of your place!”
I shook the thought off my mind and accepted what it was.
I arrived late.. People were partying or it was the end… I knew that I would miss the conference dinner and party but that is not what I was coming for anyway..
Room 343..comfortable, clean and quiet at the end of the corridors.. I was exhausted and hungry…I sorted out my stomach then rested in the bed to sleep waiting for the day ahead..
I woke up early and I had a shower, prayed..rested back on the bed leaning my back on the headpiece as I listened to some lectures on my phone..
I was calm for the first time in many weeks… Just me… I remembered a person or two..communicated with one of them and sent a prayer in the air to the other with a smile at the thought of them..
I did not know what to expect ahead of the day and on the way I have seen a young lady who seemed to be following my same route
“Are you heading to the steroids symposium”
“Of course!” she smiled. We walked together as she updated me briefly on the day I have missed. As we arrived I parted from her and approached the registration table.
“Are you Christine?” I asked as I collected my badge.
“No, she is preparing the media with the presenters”
“Oh..She was very helpful to me and I wanted to thank her. Please, do pass my gratitude!”
I walked into the room that I knew no one in. The configuration of the seating was unexpected to me. I thought that it would be a lectures-theatre but they organised the seating around tables. I understand why.
Everyone in that room had a connection with Cedric Shackleton, master of steroids mass spectrometry and the event was partly to celebrate his birth and his career. Every presenter shared a personal note on his knowledge of CS before embarking on their research topic on steroids. The final presentation was by CS taking us through the history of steroids mass spectrometry and his work.
I admit that before going to that room I shamefully did not know about him. My intention was to learn more about steroids to help my patients. But, what I got there was more!
In that room there was warmth. An environment where growth is a natural process. With every presentation I felt that I love CS more even if I never met him before the day as he sat two tables away across the room. My brain has recognised two patients to benefit from two research topics presented on the day and I could not wait to return to work to explore their cases further but my brain also was processing while listening my own career.
I was exhausted, starting to lose myself in the piles of data awaiting processing and acting on and exploring the thought of quitting. I was losing “my why” in the rush and pressure of everyday activity at work. But seeing, listening and observing what was happening in that room and the energy that was enclosing everyone present, lifted a heavy weight off my chest. I felt light, a smile started to be drawn on my lips and by the time CS was presenting his slide a tear drop was trying to escape at the corner of my eye.
I am inspired!
I could not separate work from feelings. I spend most of my life at work and I want to be who I am without changing my core. I want to go by my work gently, peacefully, lovingly without aggression, ego, or fighting for survival. I want to work with love and love my work. But I have started before being present in that room to think that I was made for something else. But I could see all in that room.
That person was not just a professor in his field. He was like a father to everyone in that room! I could see that he gave and shared his knowledge with love of the field and love to the people he worked with. I did not know him before and I do not know him more than what I have seen in that room but I loved him through the love of people to him shown with every story they share about him. I respected him with how many researcher, scientists and clinicians he supported or inspired their work.
During the breaks I managed to network with a few people from Paris, Birmingham, Oxford and Nottingham. I have missed this kind of interaction for a long time.
“I am here for a reason”
That reason is to awaken my WHY again. To not give up or give in but to shape my work how I am without apologies.
We had a group photo. I did not shy off from being part of it… They said “everyone in the room”… I did not work with him before and I won’t work with him in the future since he is retiring but he left an impact on my weakened heart and some strength to progress in the job ahead. And I love him too by now! 🙂
I left the conference space and explored the university briefly before I returned to collect my bag and head to the train station. At the hotel reception as I turned away from the receptionist after collecting my bag I found myself face to face with him.
I said hello and he stopped.
“You do not know me and I did not work with you before but what I have seen today was great!
Science, medicine, care and love…they were all in that room and I could not tell you how inspired that made me feel!”
He smiled.. he started talking and his voice was quavering from the emotion of the day. I have felt it as he was speaking at the platform and it is more prominent that now he stood before me. He started talking but unfortunately we were interrupted by two persons he knows (who respectfully apologised) and I had to leave but he warmly noted “Isra, thank you for coming”… I did not need to hear the words,but I kind of already heard it in his voice and I knew what he is exactly feeling because that is how I would want to feel at the end of my career. Hoping that I will leave behind me knowledge, skills, love and kindness in the hearts of the generations that follow me.
shetellsastory 