Our lives are stories, we tell in every action and every word. We interact with all creatures and we learn lessons everyday. Here is a story that is being told through her eyes as she observes the world and learns.
If you are a doctor, please encourage your patients with diabetes to look after their feet, and to treat their feet like infants with care and love beside trying to control their diabetes. Do make it a habit to look at their feet at every opportunity!
If you are a patient, please do remember that it is easier to prevent a disease and a complication than to deal with it when it happens. If it happens do not despair, do not give up too soon, and do please accept help and try to follow advice!
If you are a partner or parent of a person with diabetes, please do take the chance of making foot care a bonding ritual. It is hard to care for oneself, but it is fun to make it a time of care, love and bonding.
لو كنت طبيباً، رجاءً شجّع مريضك بالسكري أن يهتم برجليه كطفل رضيع كجزء غير صغير من معالجة السكري. اجعلها عادة أن تكشف على أقدامهم كلما تسنح الفرصة.
لو كنت متعايش مع السكري، رجاءً تذكر أن الوقاية خير من العلاج. لكن، لا تيأس إن أصابتك قروح السكري. اهتم بها باكراً، تقبل المساعدة و تابع النصائح الطبية. لا تستسلم مبكراً، هنالك حل!
إن كنت شريكاً أو والداً لشخص متعايش مع مرض السكري، اجعل الاهتمام بالأرجل وقت لتوطيد العلاقات الطيبة. ليس من السهل العناية بالنفس و لكن هنالك متعة في ربط المهمة الصعبة بفرصة لقضاء وقت جميل من الحب و الاهتمام و الرعاية!
In memory of two patients who recently died from sepsis secondary to infected diabetic foot ulcers, may they both rest in peace.
It was busy but at one moment I was so fed up to the degree of nausea and headache. I felt that my days are not taking me to where I should go and that I am not used to the best of my potential in a world where value comes from achievements, recognition and being famous. I felt that I am losing my abilities and myself! My ego was talking. I blamed external factors and I saw myself helplessly sinking.
I have passed through the day, did what I have to do as safely as I could do and headed off home as soon as the day has ended and from there directly to my bed! I pulled down the blinders and turned off the lights. I decided as well to go off social media as I did not stand the thought of anyone peaking through to my heart in my words and my views of the world!
I had to then sit with myself and face it! I prayed that I am guided back to sanity! I told myself: “Remember why you do what you do!”
I did not want to talk to anyone since I know the solution was within me not outside! A friend called to vent. I listened, she needed it and I swallowed my pain and hers! I spoke to my sister on phone and avoided talking to my mum since she has the sixth sense in picking up if I was in a bad mood! I had to sleep after that. I turned in my bed and writhed. Slept in cycles and woke up several times. I continued to mumble prayers to calm me down and I slept. I woke up. I thanked Allah. I surprisingly smiled as I remembered that I did not choose what I am doing for recognition.
“I want to be useful and to keep learning for the rest of my life!” I told myself then.
My growth is slowing down. I talked back to myself. I blamed it on circumstances the night before but this morning I reminded myself that I am in control and that all is my choice!
“I was the turtle 🐢 never the rabbit 🐇 !” I told myself!
“I want to make a difference and to see it. I do not need to be recognised for it when it happens!”
“I do not care about what people see in me or say about me. I know myself, I am a human! That is all I am, that is what everyone is!”
“I am responsible for what happens to me! I am living what I deserve! I am capable of changing and progressing!”
“I will be kind! I will remain positive!”
I kept talking to myself as I was getting ready and I meant every word!
I decided not to take the bus and ordered for a taxi. It was the right decision! I was picked by a driver I know from before. He is always in a cheerful mood and I feel him like my older brother when he calls my name in the conversation “Oh Isra!” He likes to say it in the middle as he tells me about his days since I last met him and his family and he always salute me goodbye with a smile and a good wish for the day ahead!
My mood was fixed!
“I will pass it on! I will greet people with a smile, I will treat everyone with kindness, and I will remain humble!”
I treated myself with a cup of hot chocolate and a banana and almond muffins! Blueberries was not available today but it is still ok!
I walked to my desk, put down my bag on the table, hanged my coat, turned on my PC and pulled my notebook.
I have written two words and circled each separately
Kind..
Value..
What would you like to be? Kind!
What would you like to do? I would like to add value!
This answered everything. Nothing else mattered. I am hoping that Allah will be pleased with me!
The day was busy but I was useful. Everyone in the team in fact!
As I bounced from the wards to the clinic, back to the wards and then to other colleagues, I did not feel the misery of yesterday! I was satisfied!
I came to review the clinic cases with my colleagues and I could not help but telling them that the man we started on the new drug with the special funding request reports a changed life! “He is now able to wake up with high energy and to spend the whole day feeling well and himself!”
I was pleased when I was listening to him telling me that. I was delighted to see him stepping from wanting to just being well to asking further about the next step of being healthier and fitter!
My colleague said to me with a smile after I told him about the man “You are saving lives these days Isra!”
I smiled. I know it was a simple thing not mounting to saving a dying person but I am comfortable that those patients are living a better life day by day!
****
Every patient matters! Every person matters! I am not changing the world but I am making a difference!
I am still Isra, simple, with no glory, no fame, no many great so called achievements but I could hold my heart with my hand and smile as I feel it there “I love you!” 🙂
A few weeks back I decided to take a few minutes break from my busy working life to revive my exhausted soul by planing to learn something new to grow. I came across a symposium on steroids but the places were full and I added my name to a waiting list. I decided to keep the date free (or part of it as I could) even if there might have not been a chance. Later on as time was approaching a very helpful event coordinator contacted me. A few e-mails between us and I had a place secured. Back to my busy life until the last day on Friday; I missed part of the event and by the end of the day, I rushed with my over-packed back bag to the train station. Missing the first train by seconds I waved its rear a goodbye and I had to wait another hour in the train station. By the time I was on my way and as I was in the middle of the route, I questioned myself on my decision to attend the event in person..exhaustion was talking then
“What were you thinking! You could have attended virtually from the comfort of your place!”
I shook the thought off my mind and accepted what it was.
I arrived late.. People were partying or it was the end… I knew that I would miss the conference dinner and party but that is not what I was coming for anyway..
Room 343..comfortable, clean and quiet at the end of the corridors.. I was exhausted and hungry…I sorted out my stomach then rested in the bed to sleep waiting for the day ahead..
I woke up early and I had a shower, prayed..rested back on the bed leaning my back on the headpiece as I listened to some lectures on my phone..
I was calm for the first time in many weeks… Just me… I remembered a person or two..communicated with one of them and sent a prayer in the air to the other with a smile at the thought of them..
I did not know what to expect ahead of the day and on the way I have seen a young lady who seemed to be following my same route
“Are you heading to the steroids symposium”
“Of course!” she smiled. We walked together as she updated me briefly on the day I have missed. As we arrived I parted from her and approached the registration table.
“Are you Christine?” I asked as I collected my badge.
“No, she is preparing the media with the presenters”
“Oh..She was very helpful to me and I wanted to thank her. Please, do pass my gratitude!”
I walked into the room that I knew no one in. The configuration of the seating was unexpected to me. I thought that it would be a lectures-theatre but they organised the seating around tables. I understand why.
Everyone in that room had a connection with Cedric Shackleton, master of steroids mass spectrometry and the event was partly to celebrate his birth and his career. Every presenter shared a personal note on his knowledge of CS before embarking on their research topic on steroids. The final presentation was by CS taking us through the history of steroids mass spectrometry and his work.
I admit that before going to that room I shamefully did not know about him. My intention was to learn more about steroids to help my patients. But, what I got there was more!
In that room there was warmth. An environment where growth is a natural process. With every presentation I felt that I love CS more even if I never met him before the day as he sat two tables away across the room. My brain has recognised two patients to benefit from two research topics presented on the day and I could not wait to return to work to explore their cases further but my brain also was processing while listening my own career.
I was exhausted, starting to lose myself in the piles of data awaiting processing and acting on and exploring the thought of quitting. I was losing “my why” in the rush and pressure of everyday activity at work. But seeing, listening and observing what was happening in that room and the energy that was enclosing everyone present, lifted a heavy weight off my chest. I felt light, a smile started to be drawn on my lips and by the time CS was presenting his slide a tear drop was trying to escape at the corner of my eye.
I am inspired!
I could not separate work from feelings. I spend most of my life at work and I want to be who I am without changing my core. I want to go by my work gently, peacefully, lovingly without aggression, ego, or fighting for survival. I want to work with love and love my work. But I have started before being present in that room to think that I was made for something else. But I could see all in that room.
That person was not just a professor in his field. He was like a father to everyone in that room! I could see that he gave and shared his knowledge with love of the field and love to the people he worked with. I did not know him before and I do not know him more than what I have seen in that room but I loved him through the love of people to him shown with every story they share about him. I respected him with how many researcher, scientists and clinicians he supported or inspired their work.
During the breaks I managed to network with a few people from Paris, Birmingham, Oxford and Nottingham. I have missed this kind of interaction for a long time.
“I am here for a reason”
That reason is to awaken my WHY again. To not give up or give in but to shape my work how I am without apologies.
We had a group photo. I did not shy off from being part of it… They said “everyone in the room”… I did not work with him before and I won’t work with him in the future since he is retiring but he left an impact on my weakened heart and some strength to progress in the job ahead. And I love him too by now! 🙂
I left the conference space and explored the university briefly before I returned to collect my bag and head to the train station. At the hotel reception as I turned away from the receptionist after collecting my bag I found myself face to face with him.
I said hello and he stopped.
“You do not know me and I did not work with you before but what I have seen today was great!
Science, medicine, care and love…they were all in that room and I could not tell you how inspired that made me feel!”
He smiled.. he started talking and his voice was quavering from the emotion of the day. I have felt it as he was speaking at the platform and it is more prominent that now he stood before me. He started talking but unfortunately we were interrupted by two persons he knows (who respectfully apologised) and I had to leave but he warmly noted “Isra, thank you for coming”… I did not need to hear the words,but I kind of already heard it in his voice and I knew what he is exactly feeling because that is how I would want to feel at the end of my career. Hoping that I will leave behind me knowledge, skills, love and kindness in the hearts of the generations that follow me.
In my personal view, this is universal, found everywhere, and is a power game. It is not actually even about race. It is about a hidden desire for people to feel better than others due to deficiencies in themselves that they could only see greatness in what they have no choice over and no credit to have created by themselves supported by circumstances that put them in a more favourable place and playing some psychological tricks to make people believe that they are better, and others are less.
While education and awareness might make a difference in how people avoid acting in a racist way, only deep grown values since childhood could eradicate the inner thought process involved. However, the biggest responsibility is not on those who are perceived to be able to be perpetrators but in the hands of the so-called at risk of being victims. Targets of racism need to elevate their circumstances economically, educationally, and culturally with a change in the psychology of the weak and helpless. They do not wait to be given the validity and respect but create it for themselves. The value of an individual is determined by themselves until they hand that power to a stranger.
Unless you are in a place where the law and law enforcing authorities are themselves racist, you choose to be a victim or not. Where this is not the case, those who are on the other side who remain with good conscience must stand for those who have no choice.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
I collected my post as I entered the building and I could spot my aunt’s hand-writing. I opened it before I enter and found that she has sent me a card immediately after a phone call we shared with warm and kind words. I thought this was a very thoughtful gesture and I told myself that I want to share that with my one in the future. A real love letter with a rose, perfume and one’s own handwriting!
The day was busy and tough and at some points I hoped that the end of it will come soon. The bus concluded it with a cancelled trip and another diverted one. Grateful for the free NHS staff ticket for January 2022 but I am very likely to return to cycling tomorrow! With apprehension! 😩
What do you do when you miss someone you never had?! I send a prayer their way: May you be happy, may you be a force of love and kindness, and may you be at peace!
I wish I could do more!
This morning I remembered an application that has been advertised in some of the YouTube videos I was watching. I did not pay attention but it turned out my mind did! So today I hoped to do something different and when I woke up from sleep and before leaving my bed, I searched for it, downloaded it and put it to use! To feed a child for a whole day, all you need to pay is £0.80!
When I was a teenager, I found an ad for Philips watches. A dad lying on a sofa-bed and his young boy lying over him. They were both comfortable, peaceful and happy. I torn the page off the magazine and saved it with my precious stuff. It travelled with me for more than 10 years and stayed with me for at least 15 years. I lost it in my flat now but I am sure that it is hidden somewhere with the rest of my papers. When I saw this painting today my heart longed. I do not know why the warm relationship between a father and a son touches me that much. I hoped once or more that if I am ever with someone that I would see him this way with our son! (Hoping no one reading this knows me! 🤭😅)
One of my vices is that I say things as I see them, think them or feel them. I could not help but telling my truth and what I believe is right. But, I am learning that not all truths are to be told. Some of them need to stay hidden since not everyone is ready to take them in.
I value my freedom more than many other things. Lee Harper writes “It is a sin to kill a mocking jay”; I say that “it is a bigger sin to cage any kind of birds that is capable of flying!”.
Asking for forgiveness is not always because we have done something wrong, sometimes we value the relationship enough that we could not stand the pain of severing it to prove who is right!
I do not like blaming nor complaining. I am more likely to distance myself than joining the party of drama.
I try very hard when I love and I do not give up easily. Yet, I am too proud that I remove my heart and feed it to dark thoughts to stop caring when I realise that this love is not valued.
18! The number of plants breathing the air with me in my place tonight. Or rather more scientifically, refreshing my own air. 9 in the bedroom (it feels like a forest tonight! 😅), one in the bathroom and 8 in the lounge. I could not resist going to Scotsdales of Great Shelford today since I craved the company of more plants!
Peace Lilly
Truth has many faces, they say. It depends on who is viewing it and how they do so. Not sure whose truth is more accurate but I would respect that they are true to their hearts by sharing what they truly believe.
You could not solve anybody’s problem. They have to solve it for themselves or at least to try to do so before the help arrives.
No one is allowed to ask someone to do something they would not be willing to do themselves!
I chose myself today, gently, but I did not have to lose anyone on it.
Today, I started again to cover our inpatients wards. My feelings are always mixed about it:
Excited about working in a close team, seeing different pathologies and learning from them, teaching, communicating and connecting with patients for more than a day or so and with their families, and working with a bigger team of nurses and other healthcare workers.
Apprehensive about the build-up of outpatient paperwork and not being able to respond to patients who are not in the ward as quickly as I wish.
🙆🏽♀️🙆🏽♀️🙆🏽♀️
It was not difficult but there were some sad stories. Again, the stories are more impressive than mine but I am not yet comfortable and I am unable yet to write without risking breach of confidentiality !
🙉🙈🙊
I walked to the bus but had to take and make some calls about patients while awaiting. From a distance I saw the bike held in memory of the cyclist I told you about last time. I walked there but I had to rush back as the bus arrived a minute earlier than I expected.
My mobile phone battery was about to die but thankfully, the bus of today has some energy in it and charging points.
I walked back home from the stop, bought some milk on the way and on arriving home had to have a shower. I usually become anxious at his point when I am on-call about having a shower concerned about missing a call but equally could not take the phone to the bathroom with me! I decided to shower anyway since I was desperate for a refreshment!
I talked to my sister and messaged with the rest of the family before I sit to write my NYT short story. I have only one day left to submit and I am working tomorrow.
I decided to write while eating. Was not sure where to start but there were some ideas brewing in my mind. I sat with the laptop in front of me and started typing.
RomCom! Not really my style of writing even though I like seeing the films! I thought to myself! How come I could write romance which means intimacy? Would I not share it with family? It would be embarrassing to let them visit my imagination? How could I write in RomCom without a kiss? How could I describe a real kiss openly?! If I write it and made it real, how would anyone believe me that I have never kissed or been kissed due to religious obligations! No intimacy without marriage! The rules say.
Anyway, I could write without a kiss leaving it to come later! A promise from the heroine of the story!
What is inside you pours to the outside! What paints your heart paints your world!
Ready…bus…desk…Paperwork…Clinic..training … SpR case discussion …Post clinic meeting.. Food with paperwork…Ward handover … results meeting…bus… clean ad shiny… family … training … write!
My day in a paragraph! 👆🏽
People made it matter!
My joy today is that everyone I have met either ended with a smile or just remained as they are! The first oath fully fulfilled: Do no harm! Hearts included! 😉
shetellsastory 